LOVE

There was an article circulating on facebook yesterday about women who try to avoid being photographed for fear of looking too fat in the pictures. I'm sure we can all relate to that feeling you get when someone aims a camera at you--chin up, stomach in, tilt head down, lean forward, etc...whatever you feel will make you look thinner in the photo. I know some women who are so sensitive about this that they literally will not allow their picture to be taken, and yell or cover their face like children when cameras come out.

I think it's important to respect people's personal wishes about things like pictures, but it got me thinking about where this fear comes from. We woman are obsessed with our bodies, and rightfully so. We are raised in a weight-obsessed, over-sexualized culture where women's bodies are scrutinized and objectified and glorified to the point where each woman's mind, soul, heart, and spirit are almost insignificant in comparison with her body.

My experience growing up revolved primarily around my appearance and my weight. It felt like everyone around me was obsessed with it. For a long time, I really thought it was all that mattered about me. It seems so simple and obvious, but it took me many years to realize I am worthy of love and respect, and people WILL love and respect me, regardless of how much I weigh or what shape my body is.

I was in the hospital for a week right before my 18th birthday getting my gallbladder removed. I had actually been suffering with undiagnosed gallbladder disease for several years (my own fault--I just never went to the doctor) before it reached a climax right after I left for college and became life-threatening. I was so sick, and in so much pain, and so sad to be spending my birthday in the hospital. I couldn't eat anything, and I was miserable. The majority of the people who called to check on me during that experience had the following words of encouragement: "At least you'll lose some weight." I remember being so frustrated and disgusted that everyone would still be so focused on my weight when I was so, so sick. I actually even wrote an angry letter to my entire family afterward, which went something like, "I don't care! I don't care how much I weigh! And you shouldn't either! It is not the most important thing about me!"

I feel like that experience was really a paradigm shift for me. I probably could have handled it a little more tactfully, but the act of standing up for myself and rejecting the status quo was huge! It was the first step in a journey of learning to love myself, after being taught to hate myself.

But back to the picture issue. It is really about loving yourself. Everyone can see you. We all know what your body looks like...and we still love you. Not wanting to be photographed is about you not loving yourself. We are so focused on our own flaws that we can't see our beauty.

An amazing thing happened last night as I was getting ready for bed. I was in my room getting undressed, and I happened to be standing at a place in front of the mirror where almost my entire body was blocked by the TV, so all I could see in my reflection was my shoulders and my face. I just happened to catch a glimpse of myself, and I actually did a double take. I am beautiful! I loved the way my shoulders looked, and my face and hair were just gorgeous. It made me realize, painfully, that all I focus on when I look in the mirror are my flaws. I am so worried about whether I look fat around my midsection that I never stop and notice everything else about me. I went to bed with a huge smile on my face, because it really feels good to love yourself!

We are so conditioned to be self-deprecating and critical that it feels unnatural to compliment ourselves. When is the last time you said to a girlfriend, "I look awesome today!" rather than "I look fat in these jeans," or "My hair is a mess." Sometimes, when the girls are around, I look in the mirror and exclaim, "Man, I'm good looking!" just to get them to giggle. But from now on, I'm really going to mean it.