There was an article circulating on facebook yesterday about women who try to avoid being photographed for fear of looking too fat in the pictures. I'm sure we can all relate to that feeling you get when someone aims a camera at you--chin up, stomach in, tilt head down, lean forward, etc...whatever you feel will make you look thinner in the photo. I know some women who are so sensitive about this that they literally will not allow their picture to be taken, and yell or cover their face like children when cameras come out.
I think it's important to respect people's personal wishes about things like pictures, but it got me thinking about where this fear comes from. We woman are obsessed with our bodies, and rightfully so. We are raised in a weight-obsessed, over-sexualized culture where women's bodies are scrutinized and objectified and glorified to the point where each woman's mind, soul, heart, and spirit are almost insignificant in comparison with her body.
My experience growing up revolved primarily around my appearance and my weight. It felt like everyone around me was obsessed with it. For a long time, I really thought it was all that mattered about me. It seems so simple and obvious, but it took me many years to realize I am worthy of love and respect, and people WILL love and respect me, regardless of how much I weigh or what shape my body is.
I was in the hospital for a week right before my 18th birthday getting my gallbladder removed. I had actually been suffering with undiagnosed gallbladder disease for several years (my own fault--I just never went to the doctor) before it reached a climax right after I left for college and became life-threatening. I was so sick, and in so much pain, and so sad to be spending my birthday in the hospital. I couldn't eat anything, and I was miserable. The majority of the people who called to check on me during that experience had the following words of encouragement: "At least you'll lose some weight." I remember being so frustrated and disgusted that everyone would still be so focused on my weight when I was so, so sick. I actually even wrote an angry letter to my entire family afterward, which went something like, "I don't care! I don't care how much I weigh! And you shouldn't either! It is not the most important thing about me!"
I feel like that experience was really a paradigm shift for me. I probably could have handled it a little more tactfully, but the act of standing up for myself and rejecting the status quo was huge! It was the first step in a journey of learning to love myself, after being taught to hate myself.
But back to the picture issue. It is really about loving yourself. Everyone can see you. We all know what your body looks like...and we still love you. Not wanting to be photographed is about you not loving yourself. We are so focused on our own flaws that we can't see our beauty.
An amazing thing happened last night as I was getting ready for bed. I was in my room getting undressed, and I happened to be standing at a place in front of the mirror where almost my entire body was blocked by the TV, so all I could see in my reflection was my shoulders and my face. I just happened to catch a glimpse of myself, and I actually did a double take. I am beautiful! I loved the way my shoulders looked, and my face and hair were just gorgeous. It made me realize, painfully, that all I focus on when I look in the mirror are my flaws. I am so worried about whether I look fat around my midsection that I never stop and notice everything else about me. I went to bed with a huge smile on my face, because it really feels good to love yourself!
We are so conditioned to be self-deprecating and critical that it feels unnatural to compliment ourselves. When is the last time you said to a girlfriend, "I look awesome today!" rather than "I look fat in these jeans," or "My hair is a mess." Sometimes, when the girls are around, I look in the mirror and exclaim, "Man, I'm good looking!" just to get them to giggle. But from now on, I'm really going to mean it.
Friday, December 13, 2013
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Moods and Foods
I know it may be hard to believe, but I wasn't always this cheerful and loving.
There was a [long] period of time in my life when I was grumpy, moody, unhealthy, and had a terrible temper. I can remember feeling that flash of anger or annoyance at something, and bracing myself for what was to come--I felt that I had no control over it. And everyone in my family, including my pets, suffered.
Fast forward to today--I can't remember the last time I was really angry or lost my temper. I feel totally in control of how I let myself react to negative things in my life. When my boss says something that really pushes my buttons, I have no problem just taking a deep breath and going in the other room until the unpleasant conversation is over. Or when a certain dog with the initials of Rocky Hicks gets into the litter pan for the third day in a row, right after I've finished vacuuming, I can just sigh and clean it up.
I didn't even really realize the change had happened until I was recently telling someone a story about something that happened several years ago and I could remember so vividly the anger I felt back then, and it was so foreign to me now. It made me wonder what the difference is between now and then. I didn't go to therapy or do any serious soul-searching on this issue--it just sort of faded away.
Of course being in a happy marriage and having the two greatest kids in the world help a lot, but I think the biggest difference is in the way I eat and exercise. Back then, in the "angry years," I was morbidly obese (that was an actual medical diagnosis--I'm not just being dramatic), and I ate very badly. There was virtually nothing raw or natural in my diet. I subsisted on fast food, meat, highly refined carbs, and loads of sugar. I always had a stomach ache, my back always hurt (sometimes to the point where I couldn't stand up), and I felt awful pretty much all the time.
The things you ingest into your body dictate your mood, to a large degree. Some people are more sensitive to this phenomenon than others, but it is definitely a fact. Meat, especially red meat, is thought to promote aggression. Sugar and refined carbohydrates create enormous blood sugar swings that bring the emotional highs and lows with which we are all familiar.
Find foods that keep you even keeled. Personally, I feel amazing when I eat vegetables and protein and avoid refined carbs. I feel steady and calm and happy. Fish, in particular, makes me feel incredible, especially when combined with raw greens. Once you start noticing how foods affect your mood, you will want to eat healthier. It only takes a little extra effort to pay attention to what will make you feel good, and it's so much easier to make better decisions to support yourself. And an important detail is to make decisions based on what makes YOU feel good. Trying to follow a diet that someone else created is not necessarily going to help you be healthier, because we are all so different. Listen to your body.
Exercise & Depression
I am convinced that exercise is a largely untapped resource in treating depression. We all know that scientists have discovered the actual chemicals that are released in your brain during exercise that literally make you feel happier. But getting healthy and stronger is also a huge self-confidence boost. Getting your blood fully oxygenated gives you more energy, helps you think more clearly, and improves pretty much every aspect of your physiology. No one ever finishes a great workout and feels unhappy. And a bonus is that when you are exercising regularly, you are naturally motivated to eat better.
Have a great, happy day!
There was a [long] period of time in my life when I was grumpy, moody, unhealthy, and had a terrible temper. I can remember feeling that flash of anger or annoyance at something, and bracing myself for what was to come--I felt that I had no control over it. And everyone in my family, including my pets, suffered.
Fast forward to today--I can't remember the last time I was really angry or lost my temper. I feel totally in control of how I let myself react to negative things in my life. When my boss says something that really pushes my buttons, I have no problem just taking a deep breath and going in the other room until the unpleasant conversation is over. Or when a certain dog with the initials of Rocky Hicks gets into the litter pan for the third day in a row, right after I've finished vacuuming, I can just sigh and clean it up.
I didn't even really realize the change had happened until I was recently telling someone a story about something that happened several years ago and I could remember so vividly the anger I felt back then, and it was so foreign to me now. It made me wonder what the difference is between now and then. I didn't go to therapy or do any serious soul-searching on this issue--it just sort of faded away.
Of course being in a happy marriage and having the two greatest kids in the world help a lot, but I think the biggest difference is in the way I eat and exercise. Back then, in the "angry years," I was morbidly obese (that was an actual medical diagnosis--I'm not just being dramatic), and I ate very badly. There was virtually nothing raw or natural in my diet. I subsisted on fast food, meat, highly refined carbs, and loads of sugar. I always had a stomach ache, my back always hurt (sometimes to the point where I couldn't stand up), and I felt awful pretty much all the time.
The things you ingest into your body dictate your mood, to a large degree. Some people are more sensitive to this phenomenon than others, but it is definitely a fact. Meat, especially red meat, is thought to promote aggression. Sugar and refined carbohydrates create enormous blood sugar swings that bring the emotional highs and lows with which we are all familiar.
Find foods that keep you even keeled. Personally, I feel amazing when I eat vegetables and protein and avoid refined carbs. I feel steady and calm and happy. Fish, in particular, makes me feel incredible, especially when combined with raw greens. Once you start noticing how foods affect your mood, you will want to eat healthier. It only takes a little extra effort to pay attention to what will make you feel good, and it's so much easier to make better decisions to support yourself. And an important detail is to make decisions based on what makes YOU feel good. Trying to follow a diet that someone else created is not necessarily going to help you be healthier, because we are all so different. Listen to your body.
Exercise & Depression
I am convinced that exercise is a largely untapped resource in treating depression. We all know that scientists have discovered the actual chemicals that are released in your brain during exercise that literally make you feel happier. But getting healthy and stronger is also a huge self-confidence boost. Getting your blood fully oxygenated gives you more energy, helps you think more clearly, and improves pretty much every aspect of your physiology. No one ever finishes a great workout and feels unhappy. And a bonus is that when you are exercising regularly, you are naturally motivated to eat better.
Have a great, happy day!
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