Beets, or globs of dirt

I really love roasted beets, and there's something about that insane, radioactive purple/crimson color that makes me believe they just must be healthy for you.  So, a couple weeks ago, I decided to roast beets at home for the first time...despite the sound of my sister's voice taunting me: "Beets?! What are we...in Russia?"

I carefully perused online tips and techniques and recipes, and felt pretty well prepared for this experience.

I bought some beets. I washed them, and lovingly massaged them with olive oil, and artfully sprinkled them with salt and pepper. I carefully wrapped them in foil, and slid them into the oven at the perfect temperature and set the timer for the perfect time.

When the timer went off, I stuck a fork in and they felt perfect--gentle and yielding, like a well-cooked potato. I started to imagine those lovely morsels of delight they serve at the Rumor Mill with blue cheese dressing and sections of orange. I was thinking words like velvety and buttery.

Then I got the skin off, and cut those bastards open. I sliced them up, and put them on a plate with a couple pieces of fresh farmers cheese that I had procured at the farmer's market just a few days before. During my research, I read that roasted beets pair well with sharp cheeses. I was SO excited.

I can't overstate the meticulous process and careful planning that went into this. I wanted to do it right, because I really love roasted beets.

They tasted like dirt. Crappy, smelly, dried dirt.  Real dirt, like if you went outside and dug around in your yard, and brought it inside, and roasted it, and then tried to eat it.  I still don't know what I did wrong...I have been too sad to try and figure it out.

I was going to give up on beets, but then I read something that said if you cook something and it doesn't turn out right, not to give up! Try again! I don't know if I've recovered sufficiently. Everywhere I go..the grocery story, the farmers market...they seem to have more beets than usual.  Sometimes more than one type!  Organic and non-organic, with the greens attached and with the greens cut off. Big ones and little ones. I'm sure they are mocking me.